i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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