I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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