I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
