Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
