She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
