I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
