I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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