I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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