I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
