do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
