I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
