i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
