literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
