Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
