Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
