I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
