i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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