I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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