i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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