dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
