my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
