my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.