she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life