how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
