"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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