youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
