i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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