last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
