he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
