my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
