It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
