tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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