he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
