Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Be still, my beating vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize