ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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