Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
