dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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