I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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