Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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