Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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