dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
