Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This house was built for laser tag.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
