i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
