Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
