I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
