everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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