Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
