Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize