If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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