I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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