just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize