my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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