He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
