I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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