yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
