R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
