there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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