I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
