Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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