She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
