dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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