Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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