i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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