Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
