MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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