So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
